Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
