When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
