Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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