I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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