Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
