I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
