she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
