I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
