I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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