It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize