take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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