He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn off my feet"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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