What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
