She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
