once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
