in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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