Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
