My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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