i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
