she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
pray to the hookup gods
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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