yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
