i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
this beer tastes like vomit already
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I need moral support for this bender
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dick very happy bro
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
