You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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