I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
