My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
