I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
