in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
