there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
