the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
