Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
