the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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