shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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