I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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