Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
