i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
