I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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