apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
pray to the hookup gods
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
