The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
