It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
