6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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