i need an iv and a liver transplant
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
