I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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