I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
