We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
