whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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