plz talk dirty to me
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
