i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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