You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
