Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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