I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
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It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
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Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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