escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
This baby is an asshole
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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