I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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