What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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