You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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