i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He felt like a one man threesome
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
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my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
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New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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