He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
