found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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