Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
