his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
