so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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