Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
