Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize