I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
