i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
