Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
