i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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