i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
