Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize