She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
