Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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