Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Moan for me like Helen Keller
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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