DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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